dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
