she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
