I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
