so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize