If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
