I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
