i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
