She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
