I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
