conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dignity is for republicans.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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