pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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