just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
