I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
