They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize