My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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