The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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