She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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