Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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