im six kinds of drunk right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
