Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
