Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
