You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
