plz talk dirty to me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
