The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
