having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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