She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
