I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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