hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
