No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
