why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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