It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
should my penis look like a turkey
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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