why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
