1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
