she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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