Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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