so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
