Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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