took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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