It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
