so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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