I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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