We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
