Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
