You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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