Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
