how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
