but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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