i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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