Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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