And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I need to stop coming to work sober
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
