so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize