Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
