remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize