you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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