Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
