all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
