I molested 6 butterflies tonight
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
