It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
