Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize