Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
