it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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