I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
