The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
