WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize