How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
