she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
