so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
