Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize