This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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