get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
