sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
