im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
