i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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