i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
