This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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