Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
