You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
