I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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