is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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