dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
