OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
